When Someone You Loves Goes Missing by Tom M Brown

I miss you so much

When someone you love goes missing It’s like nothing you’ve experienced before,

As the hours turn to days you keep hoping

They’ll make contact but it soon begins to sink in

That you may never see them anymore’.

You blame everyone else for not doing enough and you blame yourself for doing less,

You search the streets and put up missing posters but you feel it’s just an act of hopelessness.

As you make appeals to the public through Radio TV and press,

You tend to get sick phone calls and half baked theories or people wishing you good luck at best.

Your whole life becomes a living nightmare Sleep becomes alien to you,

You fall out with your freinds and other family members

Regarding what’s the next thing you should do.

After a while you become immune to the things total strangers say regarding your loved one

like “if they found the body at least your suffering would be over anyway.”

You no longer think about yourself in any shape or form,

If you’re lucky like me you survive a nervous breakdown but you still want to carry on.

Then after the months turn into years and your tears have almost dried up,

You still keep on searching to a lesser extent but you never completely give up.

And though it’s different in every case

We all share a common pain, Every one of us who has had a loved one missing

Our lives will never again be the same.



38 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wenswritings
    Feb 12, 2012 @ 17:40:59

    When I read this poem, I knew everyone who has ever had a loved one go missing would be able to relate.


  2. colsenft@telus.net
    May 18, 2012 @ 17:20:54

    As someone who was abducted what I can tell you is sometimes you lose who you are and don’t want to go home. Because you are and never will be the person you were. Children, especially young teens feel they are dirty and unwanted. To those who make it home I hope it’s before too much damage to their spirit was done. To those who don’t, I pray you are resting in peace!


    • Wenswritings
      May 18, 2012 @ 17:25:12

      I can’t even begin to understand the nightmare of being abducted. I’m sure it would change your life forever. Thankyou for your comment.


  3. Maureen Trask
    Oct 22, 2012 @ 21:43:48

    We are coming up to our 1st Anniversary of our son Daniel (adult) missing in Temagami, Ontario. Your poem is so true, may I share it on this site? Please feel free to share this Aviva Community Funding idea to get support services in place for families with missing loved ones.



    • Wenswritings
      Oct 27, 2012 @ 17:56:00

      Hi Maureen. I have added your facebook page as a link on this site. I am so sorry your son is missing. It will be seven years since our son Michael went missing this January. Feel free to use the poem. It is by Tom Brown and it is so true!


      • Maureen Trask
        Oct 27, 2012 @ 18:04:53

        I can relate to this poem, very touching. Noone knows when our searching will end, we try to stay positive, do what we can when we can to keep a balanced outlook, day by day.


  4. Sue Kearns
    Oct 28, 2012 @ 07:43:49

    Our son David Kearns “Find David Kearns” on facebook is coming up to his 2nd year missing, this poem is amazing and only a family member can relate, thank you for allowing me to read this and I will share through facebook.


  5. Valerie Jensen
    Mar 17, 2013 @ 20:39:26

    my son Gerald Jensen is on this page hes been missing since mothers day 1997 my other son donated his DNA and now they want my and my ex husbands DNA

    we are wondering if any remains are found that could be a match I d like closure but closure means I have to give up the thread of Hope that has carried em through life since 1997.

    this poem brings tears for me


  6. Wenswritings
    Mar 23, 2013 @ 11:37:59

    Thank you for your comment. I hope you get some answers soon about your son Gerald. I know exactly what you mean. Is there such thing a closure in a situation like this? Right now all the families with a Missing Loved One have a tiny speck of hope….


  7. Valerie Jensen
    Mar 23, 2013 @ 21:14:16

    It’s that hope that we hang on to to be strong. It’s so difficult. When people asked me what’s up this past week. Thursday I did meet up with the RCMP. And signed the waiver and gave my donated blood. I want closure and a match but I don’t really want that closure. Today I got my car washed I met a young man who was vacumn ibis van I asked if the cots were for camping. He said its stretchers for hauling bodies. I sighed and said its been that kind of week. Then told him about my visit to the police on Thursday. He said sorry for reminding me. I said its ok just please keep in touch with your mom. He said ok n wave when he drove away. Wow. Sometimes. Life is strange. Hugs. To us


    • Wenswritings
      Mar 27, 2013 @ 07:48:53

      Life is very strange at times. You are the second family to say they have been contacted by the RCMP for DNA for a case that is decades old. I know its very hard for the families with a missing loved one but it is also good to know they have not been forgotten. I hope you get some answers soon. Hugs back.


  8. sandy short
    Mar 26, 2013 @ 23:47:05

    there is no real closure even after finding remains of my son-it leaves even more unsettling issues no one should have to deal with. peoples reactions are mind boggling at best, Every day someone will come up with the most bizare thing to say.


    • Wenswritings
      Mar 27, 2013 @ 07:45:38

      Very sorry for the loss of your son. People who have not lost a child have no idea and will say the most bizare things. I believe sometimes they don’t know what to say..
      I am continually amazed at the people that think you should be “over it”. Parents never get over the loss of a child.
      Thank you for your comments.


      • Valerie Jensen
        Mar 30, 2013 @ 21:40:11

        youre so right a parent never gets “over ” losing a child of any age for any reason

        our children are not suppose to go before we do
        my son has been missing almost 16 years Im expecting thye RCMP wil find a match but im soo hoping not

        I still after all these years want to be in solitude around his birthday and the day he dissappeared

        keeping busy helps


    • Valerie Jensen
      Mar 30, 2013 @ 21:48:32

      hi Sandy I agree the closure at finding a match with remains leaves so many questions unanswered

      i am preparing myself in case the police find a match with my missing son and some remains something I dread but need none the less


  9. Alexandra Hicks
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 03:19:29

    My Brother Kevin went missing 27 years ago, from Croydon, Surrey, UK. his still is to this day, I’ve also done page on facebook ‘Kevin Hicks is Missing’. I agree with Sue Kearns, this poem is amazing and as a sister of someone missing for so long I can truly relate to it, sadly both my parents have passed not knowing what happened to there son, one day I will find the missing piece of the puzzle, in the mean we have to be strong and stay positive as proven in other cases, miracles do happen, I will also share on facebook. I Thank you again for sharing your lovely poem with us x


  10. Wenswritings
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 17:48:05

    I’m sorry you know the pain of a Missing Loved One. Thank you for your comment


  11. D.J.
    Mar 31, 2013 @ 09:02:40

    Praying for all the families and friends with a missing loved one this Easter and always.


  12. sarahfree2010
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 09:58:20

    My son Quentin went missing when he was 18 – and that was 21 years ago. I still astonishes me to say that, sometimes he feels so near and other times so far away but always my heart goes out to him.
    I love the poem and the writings up above, I’d like to put the poem on my FB page if that’s OK? Thanks so much, it always helps to know there are people who understand, we are strangers but we know each other well in some ways.
    Our website is http://www.qismissing.com and Facebook group Looking for Quentin.


  13. Wenswritings
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 13:47:12

    I am so sorry you know the pain of a missing loved one. I am constantly amazed at how many families live with this heart ache. Please feel free to use this poem. It was written by Tom Brown. I know anyone who has experienced the disappearance of a loved one understands these words all too well.


  14. M. Trask
    Jul 23, 2013 @ 11:20:03

    I just read this poem again, so very true and reflective of our reality with a missing loved one. Do you know how to contact the author, Tom M. Brown? I’m preparing a presentation on Ambiguous Loss (what we are experiencing) and would like to know where he is from, thanks.


    • Maureen and Don Trask
      Nov 23, 2013 @ 10:16:24

      Tks, for connecting me with Tom so he and his poem could be acknowledged in the presentation.


  15. Doug
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 18:53:31

    True words directly from the heart of my friend Tom Brown. Bless him.


    • Wenswritings
      Nov 27, 2013 @ 09:31:36

      They really do describe what it is like to have a loved one go missing


  16. sandyshort
    Jan 25, 2014 @ 22:39:35

    so raw
    real,a nightmare that never ends – done the dna sample, heard all the small town ideas, heard so many one liners, no one can say anything that brings comfort, even after finally finding supposed remains there is never a shred of closure just more questions and pain and what ifs. So so sorry to anyone who goes through this


    • Wenswritings
      Feb 02, 2014 @ 16:12:55

      A nightmare that never ends is a very good description. My heart too breaks for anyone that has to live through this. Life is altered forever. This is never something you get over but somehow as time goes on we learn to live with this pain.


  17. Travis Sherman
    Sep 27, 2014 @ 11:04:10


    • wenswritings
      Sep 29, 2014 @ 19:03:09

      Thank you Travis. Thankful for your friendship with Mike.


  18. Maureen Trask
    Nov 11, 2014 @ 11:43:26

    Nov. 3rd is a date in common to myself and Tom Brown. Tom’s sister Ellen went missing on this day 15 years ago. My son Daniel’s been missing for 3 years now in 2014. I lit a candle for both of our missing. Reading Tom’s poem reminds me of our loss and our journey of uncertainty as those left behind.

    Missing Ellen Coss: http://www.missingpeople.org.uk/help-us-find/ellen-coss
    Missing Daniel Trask: http://www.danieltrask.ca

    The years continue, but the hole in our heart remains.


    • Maureen Trask
      Jul 16, 2015 @ 20:21:28

      Our searching is over, our journey of uncertainty has ended. Remains of Daniel were found on May 24, 2015 by the MibSAR search team. We are grateful to them, it is a miracle. We can now find peace. Daniel’s Book of Memories http://www.henrywalser.com/book-of-memories/2159215/Trask-Daniel/obituary.php


      • D.J.
        Dec 05, 2015 @ 21:57:22

        My heart broke as I read this. I’m so sorry. I will be praying that you and your family find the sort of peace here that Daniel has finally found.


  19. jordan
    Jul 16, 2015 @ 01:29:54

    this was great thank you, my mom went missing 13 years ago and its been a cold case ever since.


    • D.J.
      Dec 05, 2015 @ 21:59:51

      praying for your mom’s safe return and that you and your family find comfort in all this.


  20. Maureen Trask
    Mar 05, 2016 @ 09:05:45

    Tom Brown wrote this poem for his sister, Ellen Coss (nee Brown) missing since Nov. 3, 1999 from Ireland. I’ve setup a FB page for her, please visit, like and share.


  21. Rosemarie Martin
    Dec 29, 2016 @ 13:47:25

    Lovely Poem, it brings home the pain, anguish and the unfinished grieving of somebody going missing, dissapearing off the face of the eartth.


  22. Lisa Mullineaux
    Mar 27, 2017 @ 01:19:03

    Our family has been waiting 31 years. We’ve lost loved ones along the way, but to illness, cancer, car accidents, but this, this has a continuous knot in my stomach. I was 17 when my brother Tony disappeared in December 1986. I’m 48. I no longer wish, or hope, I just get through one day at a time. What’s sad is, Tony wasn’t alone, 3 men total, and a boat. Poof off the face of the earth. I miss him. He was the oldest and I was the baby of 5 siblings. My life is forever changed.


    • D.J.
      Sep 27, 2017 @ 01:15:00

      Such an excruciating pain to live with. Praying for you and all the loved ones without an answer to find comfort and continued support.


    • Maureen Trask
      Sep 27, 2017 @ 10:07:11

      An uncertain (Ambiguous) Loss for sure. My journey of uncertainty was not nearly this long when my missing son was found. Know that there is help to learn about coping and hoping.


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