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Mike Bosma has been missing for 8 years from Kelowna BC

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photo (2)Today marks 8 years since our son Michael Bosma went missing from Kelowna BC. Never in my wildest dreams could I have thought up this nightmare we are now living with. Looking back I realize the pain is not any less but somehow as a family we learned to live with this heart ache and hopeless feeling….most days. The anniversary of Mike’s disappearance is a very hard day and Christmas was difficult again this year…still unable to set up a tree. Perhaps next year will be better although I have said this for the past 8 years or maybe we will just never have a tree again.

Sadly many more families are now experiencing our nightmare and living with the un-known. No matter how your loved one has gone missing and what circumstances it is still very painful. As a parent our children are constantly on our mind no matter what age they are and so our sons disappearance is constantly with me where ever I go.

I have discovered I cannot talk to someone new about Mike’s disappearance without shedding a few tears so meeting new people is a bit of a challenge. Inevitably people will ask if you have children and if I mention Mike the tears will flow and if I don’t mention Mike then I feel guilty for not including him….I am pretty sure I come across as an odd person at times.

Because Michael suffered from Mental Illness ( and trust me Mental Illness causes a lot of suffering) the easy explanation is that he took his own life, which in itself is a whole new horror. But there has never been any evidence of that – his body has never been found – and Mike is not the only young, vibrant, healthy man to go missing. Since Michael went missing almost 100 other young men have gone missing in BC alone. Thankfully most of these young men are located but I am constantly amazed at how many people go missing and how little we hear about them.  If your lucky your Missing Loved One makes the headlines for a few days. When Mike went missing I wanted to stand on the highest mountain top and scream for all the world to hear My Son is Missing!

Please know if you have a loved one go missing you DO NOT have to wait to report for 24 or 48 hours. Report the disappearance to the RCMP or your local police and get a file number. Contact the media and the many missing persons sites on Social Media and include the file number. It’s a good idea to keep notes on who you have contacted about your missing loved one and if your loved one is found please update the media you have contacted. Get a notebook and write any information you can think of…if your loved one remains missing you quickly become very scattered and the notes will help. Usually when someone is reported missing and it hits the media they are found within a few days…they are the lucky ones. If your loved one is still missing contact the media and update them with any new news. Sadly a missing person quickly becomes old news if there is nothing new to report.

We have learned to resign ourselves to the fact that we may never know what happened to Mike but our memories of him will live on with our family forever.

family picture

Last family picture. Mike went missing 10 days later.

Julia STROBACH, 26, Missing October 31, 2013, Courtney, BC

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Julie SJulia was last heard from on October 31, 2013. Julia has a history of going away for periods of time but has always had contact with friends or family. The lack of contact has Julia’s family and friends concerned for her well-being.

Tom BILLINGS, 22, Missing November 25, 2013, Vancouver BC

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tom billingsTom is a British tourist who has been travelling all over the world. Tom’s friends and family advise it is out of character for him to have no contact with anyone and are very concerned for his well-being. Tom enjoys hiking and had mentioned he wanted to go for a hike in the Vancouver area including the North Shore Mountains. There was search of the North Shore area and although there were foot prints found that were the size of Tom’s no other signs were found and the search was called off. Vancouver Police advise they are continuing to receive tips and are actively searching for Tom. My heart breaks for his family who are in England.

Ridiculous Amount of Missing People in BC

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May they all come homeI know it has been few months since I posted the new missing people of BC  on this blog but I am stunned at how many missing people there are to catch up on. To the point of ridiculousness!! Not sure if that is a real word but it sure sums it up! I have been posting the missing people on the Facebook page Missing People of BC daily for the past few years and someday there can be two or more people who go missing just in BC alone. I follow Missing People of Canada and it is amazing how many people from all walks of life that are missing across Canada! Thousands of people and each one of those people have someone who is desperate for answers to their disappearance. Thankfully most missing people are found safe within the first week of being reported missing.
Some people still think you have to wait 24 or 48 hours before you can report a missing adult. This is not true! Report a missing loved one as soon as you realize they are missing. Once you have reported them missing to the RCMP or your local police get the file number and contact the many missing persons sites that are on Social Media such a Facebook. This is a great way to get the public to be aware of your missing loved one. The more you get the news about your missing loved one in the pubic view the better chance you have of locating them. The first few days are the most important and details about where and how they went missing need to be known. I can’t stress enough how important it is to keep notes as soon as you realize your loved one is missing. If the hours turn into days you start to become very scattered and can forget little details that could be very important.

I am glad to see that they are focusing on some of the older cases of Missing Persons…trust me it’s not old for the family with a Missing Loved One. A person has no idea what a nightmare it is to have someone you care about go missing….until it happens.

When a Missing Person is found

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Missing Persons 1Since I started this blog there have been hundreds of people who have gone missing in BC, and thousands more all over Canada. Thankfully most missing people are found within a few days – safe and sound. The family and friends of the found missing person having known the heartache of a missing loved one for just a short while. I have been toying around with the idea of completely removing a person from my missing blog once they have been found but also know that often people will still be listed as Missing long after they have been located. I currently have a section in my blog that lists the found missing person.
Once a person who has been missing is found safe and continues on with their life the last thing they want is to be listed as missing. This past week I was contacted by a person who had been missing and was found and who would like to carry on with their life.This is their email and I am very Thankful for this information.

“I was listed on your website as missing and later you updated that I had been located safe only days later. Yours was the only site to make this update, thank you so much for that. Now, months later I am still getting and hearing about phone calls from frightened family and friends who are coming across the various media and missing persons sites thinking I might be in danger. For this reason I would like to ask, along with my sincere thanks for your service, that the posting regarding myself, be removed from your site to allow everyone to move forward. I have been successful with a handful of sites so far, and left yours to last purposely because it contained the update. Now, Global BC has made an update and I am trying to have the last bits taken down. I sent a message to “unsolved.ca” and their response was to update the story and leave for a day for their sites followers to see and then removed the posting. Since your site has had the update for months I hope that you could just remove it right away and let it be done. I also have to consider that any time my name is googled, this is what people (family, friends, potential employers, anyone..) are going to see.”

I will be updating each found missing person case by removing them from this site. Sadly there are many people who are not found safe and many that have been missing for years. I would like to focus on the missing people. I believe the average person has no idea how many people go missing, from all walks of life…

I currently have a Missing People of BC Facebook and try to remove the posting of the missing person as soon as I hear about it and will do the same with this website. For the many families and friends who have had a Missing Loved One Found, I am always very happy to hear someone who is missing is found and safe!

Please if you know one who has been found email me at wenswritings@hotmail.com

The RCMP have started a National Website for the Missing People of Canada. There are currently only a small percentage of the thousands of Missing Canadians posted on the RCMP web site but it is a start.

RCMP Have a New Website Dedicated to Missing People of Canada and Unidentifed Remains

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missing personsI was so glad to see the announcement the RCMP have started a Website for the Missing People of Canada and Unidentified Remains. There are thousands  of Missing People in Canada and over 7000 unidentified remains. I checked right away if I could find our son Michael Bosma who has been missing since January 10, 2006 on the site but he is not listed.  This is obviously a work in progress but it is a great step in the right direction however we still desperately need to have a Missing Persons DNA Data Bank for the Many Missing People of Canada. Many people are surprised there is NO DNA Data Bank for the thousands of Canadians that have been missing for years.

When you have a missing loved one the worst part is the unknown. The grieving process is a lot longer because its hard to grieve without feeling guilty…like you are giving up on finding your loved one. Your life is changed forever and even though you do eventually get on with your life your missing loved one is always in the back of your mind. You still have bad days..Anniversarys, birthday and any special occasions there are many tears, both shed and unshed. You learn to cry on the inside and you learn to carry on but if your loved one is found and you can bring them home I think there would somehow be some peace. I don`t know because our son has been missing now for over 7 years. Many people will talk about closure but is there really closure when you have lost a loved one?

It breaks my heart when I see a missing person in the media or posted on Facebook because I know the nightmare the family is living with.  Thankfully most missing people are found within the first day they are listed as missing. As time goes on and the days turn into weeks, then months and years its hard to stay positive and you finally have to admit that your loved one may never come home.

Hopefully  this new RCMP website for the Missing People of Canada will solve some of the Missing Persons cases and give a family a little peace.

 

DNA DATA BANK PETITION http://www.gopetition.com/petition/41301/signatures.html

Life as You Know it Changes Forever when a Loved One goes Missing

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Today I had a taste of our other life…the life we had before our son Mike went missing….disappeared it seems into thin air.  I was outside putting away a few things from our patio and I opened the draw of the old dresser in the lower deck and there it was…a tidbit from the past. Candles and candle holders of all sizes…many of the candles still had a good half night left. We use to entertain…had a few people over to enjoy our private back yard. I glanced up at the hanging outside heater now covered with cobwebs and dust clinging to every corner. This heater would hum deep into the evenings  blasting its warmth as the fall nights turn colder and the  darkness came sooner and sooner. But that all changed when Mike went missing…no more lazy nights sharing laughs and stories of the days when the boys were young and full of surprises, sharing the fun stories of our  daughter and the every day amusing things that can happen with a family as close as ours. I’m ashamed to say that we didn’t take Mike’s mental illness serious enough…we had no idea what he was dealing with…oh we had a tiny taste….knew what it was like from our end…but we never really knew how shitty his life really was….but I knew he was proud…I will never forget the day I told him that welfare said that if he didn’t have enough money for groceries half way through the month the food bank was always an option.  Mike looked me square in my eyes and said I will eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and supper before I will go to the food bank….and I totally understood where he was coming from. Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you don’t have any pride.

They say, whoever they is, that time heals all wounds. “They”are wrong. Having someone you love go missing never heals. How can it? This wound is open wide and parts are missing. Does time heal a missing limb, a paralyzed body? No and this gaping wound of our son missing will never heal… you have no choice but to learn to live  with it. I laugh now and share jokes, but not with the same zest I had. Life as we knew it will never be the same. Not sure we will ever entertain the way we use to. I never know when the sadness will over take me and shock will hit me again. All it takes is certain song  playing on the radio, the smell of a pencil freshly sharpened, and sometimes the sadness just arrives with no explanation. Its awkward for some people if you grieve….

I worry about my other children. How is this affecting their lives…. we all know we lead secret lives known only to ourselves. They have both become runners and so have I. Are we trying to run away from the fact that our son and brother is missing? Perhaps a portion of this is true. I know that after a good run I feel more capable of handling whatever life is going to throw at me….at least it feels that way. Life has a habit of throwing you some real curve balls.

It has been over six years now since our son Michael went missing at the age of 25 from Kelowna BC. This year I washed out the cobwebs and dust from my planter boxes and grew a few flowers in our back yard and patio. I enjoyed the blooms but didn’t look after them nearly the way I use to. There is a certain amount of guilt that comes into play when you start to enjoy life without your missing loved one. My life has become clouded with memories and stuff. It feels like I need to clear out my house and mind of all  the clutter. It’s a slow process and something to be done in the upcoming cold winter nights.

When you have a missing loved a part of you goes missing as well. As parents our children are always on our mind and that doesn’t change when your child goes missing…it becomes more but you have to suppress it in order to survive.

Every day I wonder if this will be the day we find out what has happened to our son. Did he really take his own life…. like so many people think? Did  he stumble unto something sinister and pay for it with  his life? It is almost certain that Mike has passed away but when you have a missing loved one there is always that little tiny ray of hope and I cling to that hope.

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